The Ugly Cosmetologist
 

She came to beauty school when she was 18,
the homliest human you've ever seen.

With yellow buck teeth and greasy black hair,
all the beauty queens just stood and stared.

She was the kind of girl who had never been kissed.

She was the ugly cosmetologist.

 She stayed in school till she was 21.
It took her that long to get her makeup done.

They said she broke most every mirror,
with lipstick smeared from ear to ear.

She had the kinda face that musta broken a fist.

She was the ugly cosmetologist.

 So she struck out on her own.
And sat in her beauty shop all alone.
There was no business and she didn't know why.
But if ladies had children - it made them cry.

 She became a hermit up in a cave.
A place where she'd never have to shave.

She survived on berries and roots.
And then she ran into a big Bigfoot.

She was the kind of girl he couldn't resist.

And he mated with the ugly cosmetologist.

 Some people say Bigfoot don't exist.

But not his ugly cosmotologist.

 They feed their children out in the mist.

Sasquatch and his cosmetologist.