Move It On Over
 

I don’t know what state you live in, but here in the state I live in people irritate me.  Now, I’m not an over-easily irritated individual, (although some would disagree), but people in my state, (I don’t know about your state because I don’t get out too much; that is unless you live where I do), are either stupid, inconsiderate, selfish, or perhaps all of the above.

Get this; I am forced by the laws of basic American survival to drive seventy-five miles a day to get to work and then back home to my lair. And every day, EVERY day, there is some, (if not many), stupid, selfish, inconsiderate or perhaps all of the above commuter in front of me whose sole purpose in life is to block the fast lane.

Do they not know the left lane is designated for the more ambitious, less restrained, possibly running late because they are in the habit of sleeping in and then playing with their dogs before they head out for work, faster motorists?

Well, obviously not.

These “world revolves around me” type people don’t seem to be the least bit phased when my angry black car closes in on them at eighty miles per hour.

They seem oblivious to the front end of my car licking at their license plate.  They are not moved or intimidated when I flash my aircraft-quality halogen headlights into their rearview mirror.  Don’t they see me?  Don’t they know I’m there??? 

Oh, they see me all right but I’m not on their morning agenda.

They just lope along in their soccer mom minivan or suburban assault vehicles with the dented rear ends and eat up my time talking on their cell phones, putting on make up, eating breakfast, or a host of many other things they could have gotten themselves out of bed a little earlier to do so they wouldn’t be in my way.

The answer, of course, is a healthy dose of justified road rage.

Nothing feels better than expressing your burning, loathsome malice through the means of verbal, physical and vehicular gestures toward the loser who just made you a minute late.

But nowadays all these touchy-feely lawmakers are more receptive to the whining slow poke road hog voters than they are to common sense anger ventilators.

So now, instead of getting a well deserved commendation from the highway patrol for shaking my fist at the goober who has managed to tie up traffic in the fast lane, I am pulled over and harassed and threatened with all manner of fines, community service and or jail time.

And for what I ask?

Expressing freedom of speech?